Christmas wishes

Ah, what a lovely holiday. Warm snuggling over cocoa, skiing in lightly falling snow, family gatherings decorated with sparkling lights.

and yet.....


no ring.


Well, Virginia, there may be a Santa, but his romantic timing sucks!

Why I don't want a diamond

My mother saw a long time wish fulfilled this Christmas. She traded her small diamond ring for a honking 4-grand three stone. She's wanted it for years. I had always told her that if she wanted it so bad she should buy it for herself, but she wouldn't.

The new ring replaces the ring she married with. The old ring had a small diamond flanked by two small chips. The setting was partially white gold and partially yellow gold. It was the ring my parents could afford when they were young and poor. Now, I feel like it holds more sentimentality to me than it does to my mom.

It's not my decision.

When Mountain Boy and I decided it was time to look at rings for our wedding I made the decision to go without a diamond. It's less about the politics surrounding the stone and more a reflection of my style. I don't like rings that stand up off my finger, and fancy rings aren't really my thing. So when Mountain Boy stated a preference for titanium, we found a kick-a$$ deal on matching 4 mm bands.

My mother has already told me that i am inheriting her old ring. She wanted to put the diamond into a necklace for me to wear at the wedding, but I think I want to have it in it's original ring form. If I have it re-sized I can wear it myself. To me, it still represents my parent's commitment and love. Removing the stone wouldn't be the same. To me, it's not the diamond but the ring that matters.

Other Wedding Blogs

I'm collecting other wedding blogs because a large influence in making my own blog is the community around non-traditional wedding decisions. I've com across all types ranging from the brazen and blatant, to the guilty and apologetic (e.g.: I know this is bad, but I decided to____).

I've found that there are a few key posts that tell me most of what I need to know about the bride's planning style: the dress and the cake.

It was the idea of a huge cake that pushed me from the courthouse-elopement dream to the wedding ceremony in public dream. Not the princess dress, or the adoring fanfare of "my special day" (choke, gag, cough). It's the idea of a towering pile of chocolate cake and frosting. mmmmm.

Also, I want to make my own cake, and I'm toying with the idea of making my own dress. This is partially a money issue, but after careful consideration it's also a control issue (does that make me a Controlling Bride?? We'll have to see.) Basically, I know I can make exactly what I want without having to pay someone a few grand to do it for me.

Back to the blogs. I'm really amazed at the variety of styles when it comes to the cake. it's much more free-form than say, the dress or the invitations. There is a wider range of acceptable options.

In my case, my cake may be one of the most traditional elements of the whole shebang.

This is not you wedding

I had my first encounter with an acquaintance convinced that she knew more about how my wedding should be than I did. I mean, she successfully planned a wedding, so whatever I think I want, I will be miserable if I don't do what she did.

Really, though, I set myself up for it. I admitted to some friends that I was starting to make some decisions about planning a wedding, and that I want to go non-traditional and do most of it myself. Am I completely wrong about what I want? I don't think so. Good thing I have people I barely know to tell me, otherwise I might plan my wedding wrong!

I think that I underestimated how difficult it will be for me to go non-traditional.

This won't be a $10,000 wedding

According to the wedding cost analyzer, "On average, couples that live in (Salt Lake City, UT) spend between $19,630 and $32,716 for their wedding. "


I'm hoping to spend about 1/10 of that.


Maybe it's just the tight grasp of the Wedding Industrial Complex (WIC), but I feel a little like I'm just the opposite end of the bridzilla spectrum. Mountain Boy and I have not yet had the sit-down planning meeting where we set the ground rules (thanks to Sara at 2000 Dollar Wedding for the idea) , but I think I need to add a few rules about keeping the unity in the wedding.

Any ideas?

Our Habit of Bucking Tradition

Little about my relationship with Mountain Boy has followed a traditional path. After an intense whirlwind courtship where, at first, we were not officially together as a dating couple, we moved in together. It was less than a year after we had met, and about four months after we had come out as a couple to our friends (they had all figured it out anyway). It felt quick, but we had both lived with other partners before and knew right away that we were compatible, so when our leases expired within a month of one another, it made good fiscal sense. We secured a larger apartment for about half of what we had been paying for two places.

After that things settled into a really nice living arrangement that lasted for two years. I was happy and probably would still be there if I had been left to my own devices.

Mountain Boy had other plans. He has always been much more level headed than me, and is a practitioner of level headed practices like savings and planning. One day, he suggested we buy a house.

Huh!?

We were happy, I had made a job shift and was making a little more money, but adding a mortgage to our happy picture had never crossed my mind. So, after a little convincing, I agreed and we launched into a house hunt. I do like searching for things. It was like a gigantic Easter egg hunt. It was also a prudent fiscal decision; you may have detected a theme here.

So, now a year later we are sitting in our very own downtown condo. (It fit our budget better than a house.) It's a historic building built in 1907 and had beautiful mission style molding. When people ask weather or not I'm married I love the looks I get when I respond:

"No, we skipped marriage and went straight to mortgage."

Pre Engagement Stage: no man's land

There was never any doubt that my wedding would be unusual. Mountain Boy and I just aren't the type of people who easily buy into things, particularly traditions. This combination of natures is perhaps why we work so well together; why we have loved our partnership into existence.

Case in point, we have had our wedding rings for almost six months. They are in the bottom shelf drawer. Six months is a really long time to know that your wedding ring is in the drawer.

We bought the rings on sale after a period of time where we had been talking about marriage in more and more concrete terms. I didn't want to be surprised by an engagement ring I didn't like, so I had started hinting about styles ant types... pointing out rings on TV or on other people.

Mountain Boy, after some period of ignoring my hints announced that he'd like a titanium ring. After looking a t a few online and at at an art booth, we found a website with bands in a style I liked on sale.

They're perfect. We each have a matching band (I'm not really into diamonds), and they were $99 a piece. Awesome. They came in the mail a few weeks later, and MB smiled and put them in the drawer.

Days went by....weeks.

Two nice romantic dinners.... nope.

Quiet hikes to mountain lakes.... nuhha.

Moon-lit camping on the beach... still nothing.

Holiday family gatherings......zilch

My birthday.... zero

His birthday.....btthpp.

Now, I'm not a patient person, but this would try anyone's nerves. So I hope I will be forgiven in the fact that I could not keep quiet about the rings in the drawers. My friends all knew, his friends all knew, I told my mother. I mean, come on, I had to tell my mother!

At this point I'm pretty sure that a portion of our friends had formed a betting-pool. One in particular has taken to asking Mountain Boy whether or not he's asked me yet every time he sees him.

My next probably date is Christmas. There is good reason to think this will be it. If not, maybe New Years.

By this time, you may be asking why I don't just propose to him. It's a good question. If I'm so non-traditional, then what does it matter? Right?

I guess it just does. I feel a little like I rushed him into living together. I don't want to wonder weather we got married earlier than he wanted to.

Maybe this is Mountain Boy's way of reclaiming the surprise. At this point it is kinda funny. In any event, it's a story.

Besides, it isn't as though a silly thing like not technically being engaged has stopped me from starting to plan the wedding. (ahem, or starting a blog about it).

When he proposes, I'll post a picture. The ring really is lovely.